I was inspired by my friend Anandi to select one word to help define what I want to happen in 2012. She has a great post on her blog about her word and I thought maybe I should blog about mine.

Like Anandi, the first word that popped into my head was "less". I could use less stuff, less time spent worrying about work, less weight on my body, etc.  Then, like Anandi, I started to think of the negative connotations that could occur - less money, less responsibility at work, less time with my favorite people. I started working through other words and establishing just what is important to me.

From "less" I went to "me." As a mom, I spend a lot of time focusing on my kids. As someone that's trying to get her career back on track after having kids, I spend a lot of time focusing on work. At the end of 2011 I really started to focus on making myself happy. I thought this would be a good theme to carry into 2012. But I thought about it some more. "Me" is very selfish, and I was trying to justify how that word could also encompass the time that I like to spend with my family or my friends. I just couldn't make it feel right.

From there I went to "balance", because what I really want is to balance my time between my family, my job and myself. This is a great word, but I also know that for 2012, the concept of balance is going to be fluid. I am focusing on different parts of my triangle (my family, my job, myself) at different times, because that's what being demanded of me. I felt like with selecting this word, it would be a little of a cop-out because at the end of 2012, I could have just said "well that was the balance I needed at that time."

As I was falling asleep last night, the right word hit me:

focus

What I really need to work on is focusing on what I am doing. I am so easily distracted, especially at work, that I get frustrated with myself. My years at Tech taught me that if I can sit down and focus, I get a lot done. Once a smart phone entered my life, it became so much easier to keep in touch, but so much easier to lose focus of what I was doing.

So for 2012, I am going to focus on what I am doing at the time. If I am working, I focus on work and try to not let thoughts of the kids creep into my head or what else I could be doing or what is being said on that message board. If I am with my family, the smart phone goes on quiet. If I am spending quality time with myself, I am not worrying about work or what the kids are doing or when I should be getting home.

It is time to focus.

Sam will be 5 in February, which means he normally would be starting Kindergarten in the fall of 2012. Our school district is very strict about placing kids ahead of their age group, and we've heard of neighborhood kids that missed the birthday deadline by just a couple of days being denied early Kindergarten. We wanted to try and fight it, but we knew that the school district wouldn't even consider testing him. Private kindergartens that we talked to told us that they followed the school district guidelines and wouldn't consider admitting him early, either. We were ready to do our own enrichment at home and hope that he would get swept into the "gifted and talented" program.

Except that this summer we switched him to a new preschool when we moved. The principal in the new school recognized everything that we did in Sam - his maturity, his intelligence, etc. - and recommended that we have him evaluated to join the kindergarten program that the school started this year. The teacher that evaluated him agreed that he was ready so we put him in the program. They did warn us that Sam might have to repeat kindergarten due to his age.

It has been an amazing program and we can't believe how much he has grown and matured since September. We just had our first round of parent teacher conferences and we asked the teacher if she thought Sam would be ready for first grade. She was confused because she assumed that Sam was going to be enrolled, not remembering that he's a February baby and was only 4.5 when the school year started. She agrees that Sam would be ready for first grade, but she also knows that it is hard to fight the school district. We talked about all of our options and now YY and I armed with even more information and things to think about.

These seem to be our options right now:
1. Place him in public kindergarten next year
2. Place him in private kindergarten again
3. Try to get him into public first grade
4. Try to get him into private first grade

Each option has its pros and cons.

Option 1: Public K is a lot cheaper than private K. Our school district offers full day K, but you have to a) get into it and b) pay for it. I have heard horror stories of kids like Sam going into public K and just being bored and loosing all motivation for learning. On the other hand it would be cheaper. We have to put our names in for full day K in February, so the deadline is approaching.

Option 2: We hadn't thought about another year of private K, but Sam's teacher brought this option up. She said that they would have the ability to tailor Sam's school work to his needs, since he's in a montessori program, and that it would have the added benefit of developing him as a mentor for the younger kids. My first thought is "ugh, another year of tuition." After I throw that out, because frankly we will do what's right for Sam, I have to think about how Sam interacts with kids. While Sam isn't a follower, having older kids around motivates him. He's been in the older/mentoring role and his academic achievement hasn't been as high, but maybe that's because he was working on social achievement.

Option 3: Our school district policy is that kids enrolled in a kindergarten program that is part of a school that enrolls kids through grade 3 will admit a child to first grade regardless of age. We could argue with the school district on this one, we think. Sam's preschool/kindergarten is a "sister school" to a preschool through elementary school. The schools have the same name, share a website, and are part of the same "learning community." It could be argued that Sam's school is just one campus of the larger school. This option will take time and possibly a lot of arguing. I can see having to get letters from the principal and the teachers and possibly having to put Sam through testing. This option would also set Sam on the "youngest in his class" path. Are we ok with him being the last one to get his license? Would we be able to let him go to college at 17?

Option 4: We could try and enroll Sam at the other campus of his school for first grade. This would mean another year of tuition, but it might be the best option. Sam's teacher used to teach at that campus, so she knows the first grade teacher, which might help us out, but he might get bumped for a kid that's the "right age." We want to get our kids in public school, eventually, but I have to wonder, will we always have to fight the age issue?

Maybe the answer is to repeat another year of Kindergarten, but look at skipping him ahead in the future. I just don't know. It is particularly hard because both YY and I were "middle of the class" kids in terms of age. We might have benefited from skipping ahead a grade, but we weren't skipped ahead. It didn't hold us back, that's for sure.

And how does this all play into our parenting philosophy? We want the kids to enjoy their childhood and don't want to push too hard. Do the two have to be connected? Does putting him in first grade early mean that he won't enjoy his childhood or that we are pushing too hard? Does making him repeat kindergarten mean that he will be bored out of his mind? Will he even notice?

We will probably put him in the system for public kindergarten, if anything, to have our names on the list while we explore our other options further. We can always change our minds and take him off the public K list, which would give his spot to someone else.

It is a lot to chew on.

It seems like as soon as you get pregnant, the first question on everyone's mind (after what's your due date) is what will you do after the baby is born. That question never seems to go away. It seems that ever since I got that first positive pregnancy test, I have been re-evaluating my choices.

In the back of my head, I always knew I would work. It is just part of me. There are tons of reasons why. I worked hard to get here. Taking off 5 years to raise little ones doesn't really work in my career field. I would go INSANE at home and would have to schedule every minute of my day with the kids. 

But mostly, I want to work. I enjoy my job. I like to think that I am making at least a small impact on the environment. I like working with spreadsheets and databases and running statistics and creating models of systems. I like finding ways to make my clients meet environmental laws but still operate. I like my job.

On our way out the door on day 2 of kindergarten, Sam asked me why I go to work. I knew this was coming.  His school has lots of kids that come just for the school day, while my kids are there for extended care. He's reached that age where "fairness" rules and how he is different than other kids is starting to come forward.

I am proud to say that I answered, without hesitation, "Because I want to." I am even prouder to say that my 4.5 yr old accepted it and went out to the car without another word on the subject. :)

It takes a lot to get me to stop reading a website. I will generally tolerate other people's opinions on most things, even issues that are near and dear to my heart.   When information that is being published as articles is nothing but fear mongering, I stop reading.

Today I stopped reading Gizmodo.

It started with an article on August 16 about reclaimed water, a topic I know a fair amount about.  It was my chosen career path for a long time. I know about the technologies used to recycle the water.  I know about the stigma it carries ("Toilet to Tap" anyone?). I know how hard proponents are fighting the stigma. I also know that most of us drink reclaimed water in one way or another:

It is a dirty little secret that your water supplier doesn't want you to know.  Why else do you think that there are drinking water treatment plants?  Sure, some places don't have to treat their drinking water, other than to maintain a chlorine residual, and some places get their water from an aquifer or high in the mountains.  But in a lot of places, the water has been used by someone upstream. 

The Gizmodo article on August 16 was titled "Why Drinking Purified Poo Water Is So Gross, Even When It Shouldn't Be". The article references an NPR article,which is titled "Why Cleaned Wastewater Stays Dirty In Our Minds".  See the difference?  I let this one slide because it was clearly playing to the psychological barriers against reclaimed water.  I could understand the use of it.

Then this morning while perusing Gizmodo, I saw another reference, but this time to "Poo Snow".  The article was originally titled "Skiing on Poo Snow Sounds Gross, But For Unexpected Reasons".  The article brought to light the issue with what are called "Personal Care Products" - things like hormones from birth control pills, antibiotics, etc. that are present in all water - and is the subject of numerous research projects in the reclaimed water world but are under study in the reclaimed water world. The article just skimmed over the fact that these compounds are present in reclaimed water.  It failed to mention that these compounds are in the drinking water and streams, too or that there is very little evidence that the concentrations found in reclaimed water are harmful.  It also failed to mention that most treatment used in generating reclaimed water removes a large fraction of these components.

Gizmodo did change the article title later in the day, which now reads "Skiing on Poo Snow Is Perhaps Less Gross Than You Think (Updated)", but I am still offended by the use of Poo Snow here.  There is no "poo" in that snow.  There are very strict treatment standards that make the water safe for human contact.  This isn't being done outside of research and regulation. 

I have no problem with the public being made aware of all the potential issues surrounding reclaimed water (remember, no one even knows if it is a problem), but they also need to be made aware of the benefits, too. 

 

 

Clearly YY's son

My company is kicking off our 50th anniversary celebration with "Spirit Week." Yes, Spirit Week like you had in high school or middle school.  Here's the schedule of events:
Monday - Pajama Day: Wear your favorite clean pajamas or slippers (yes they had to specify clean and I know who it was directed at)
Tuesday - Favorite Hat Day
Wednesday - Favorite Sports Team Day
Thursday - Favorite Decade Day
Friday - Company gear day

So which days would you participate in, if any at all?  If you were hoping for a promotion in the next year would that sway your decision? 

We leave for Tech on Wednesday, so really I just have to decide if I will participate in Pajama Day and Hat Day.  I think I can do Hat Day, but not sure about the pajamas...

I keep hearing how much Rae looks like Sam did at that age.  I think she looks different, and not just because she has more hair.  :D

What do you think?

I am finding myself having a professional crisis of sorts.  I go back to work on April 5th.  While I am glad to get out of the house, use my brain for more than tracking when the kids last ate and slept, and be around adults again, I am starting to feel overwhelmed.  I just read an email describing a meeting we're going to be having.  I was not excited and found myself thinking "How am I supposed to go back to this?"

It isn't that I want to be a stay at home mom.  I can not handle being home with kids all day every day.  I am just not made that way.  I love my company and job, in general. And yet, here I am wondering how I will go back to work.

A lot of this is fueled by the not so great review I had last week.  There was a lot of talk about what I wanted to accomplish in the next year.  The talk was mostly me and the responses I got were less than enthusiastic.  (Picture lots of "mmm hmm" with looks of WTF is she thinking?)  Then it ended with a focus on the last month of work before I went on maternity leave.  It wasn't pretty - they forced me to build a model that was much harder than anyone anticipated and couldn't be completed in the time I had available, even if I was working 40 hrs a week.  Sam was all out of sorts with the impending changes in our lives and his transition to a new room at daycare.  I was VERY pregnant and just not in the right place to do it.  In my review I was told that I didn't "communicate the challenges" (how was I supposed to do that when people were out of the office and not responding to my emails?) and didn't use my time wisely (I was trying to make the f-ing model somewhat resemble reality).  I walked out of my reveiw regretting that I had taken time off and feeling like people were upset that I decided to have another kid.

I get it.  When two of us got pregnant at the same time, it was hard. I understand that everyone was hoping that I would take over for the other person that got pregnant.  When that didn't happen, they had to scramble.  I get that I am "young" to have two kids, especially in the professional world.  Is all this going to be held against me in the next year?

As ready as I am to go back, I am just not looking forward to it.  I don't know if this means it is time for me to move on to something else, or if it is because I am tired and emotional (March is my dad's wake, so emotions are coming back to the surface).  I plan on giving it a few months before I make any decisions, but I just might be looking to move on. 

Moving onto what is a whole other can of worms.

Cookie Cake Pie - Snickerdoodle topped with a rainbow cake